Veteran Chat Project
Veteran Chat Project
Enhancing Family Life While Dealing with PTSD
Are you a parent grappling with PTSD? Step into the Veteran Chat Project where we bridge the gap between mental health and effective parenting. I, your host, Kyle Turner reveal essential strategies to facilitate a nurturing environment for your children while managing your PTSD. Discover the power of prioritizing your mental wellbeing, the art of self-care, and the essence of open parent-child communication. Learn about the stability that routines can bring to your family life and the importance of explaining your condition to your children in an age-appropriate manner.
As we move forward, we dive deeper into managing PTSD while safeguarding the mental stability of your children. Uncover the importance of setting healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life and the positive impact it can have on your family life. Understand the immense value of patience and the necessity of ongoing support for your children as they navigate the understanding of your PTSD. As a parent, your first instinct is to protect your children, but remember, understanding and empathy are equally important. Embark on this journey with us and see how the right support and strategies can help you manage PTSD while raising a family.
What is going on? Everybody? Kyle Turner, this is the veteran chat project. First and foremost, you guys I want to thank you all so much for Listening last week. A lot of downloads, a lot of Video Watches sorry, a lot of views on YouTube, stuff like that. You guys have been a little bit more active on the Facebook posts and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:And especially to the subject that I want to speak on today a little bit Parenting with PTSD. We all know it could be a huge struggle, for for some of us, these, these things show up in different ways, but one thing we probably all have in common is a short fuse and Kind of maybe taking it out on our family more than they deserve and stuff like that. So I'm gonna get just straight into it. I don't really want to waste your guys time no more with bullshit and all that, so I'll just jump straight into it real quick.
Speaker 1:Parenting with PTSD is not an easy task, as I mentioned, as those who suffer from this condition face unique challenges while trying to navigate the intricacies of being a parent. Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD I like, actually like to call it PTSD Because it's not a disorder. I've actually heard that somewhere and I liked it, so I'm just gonna run with it. Let's just say PTSD Is a mental health condition that develops after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. These symptoms often include flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, hyper vigilance. Coping with these symptoms while raising children can be overwhelming, but with the right support and strategies, parenting with PTSD is possible.
Speaker 1:To start, it is crucial, fucking crucial For parents with PTSD to prioritize their own mental health. It is, I'm gonna say that again, it is crucial For parents with PTSD to prioritize their own mental health. You guys, you have to take care of yourself, all right, because without you, nothing, nothing else works. All right, you have to take care of yourself, to take care of the family, take care of the crew. So Please, really really pay attention to that last part. I'll say it again and just keep going.
Speaker 1:But, um, it is crucial for parents of PTSD to prioritize their own mental health. Take care of one's self is not a Selfish act, but rather an essential requirement for being an effective parent. This may involve seeking therapy, participating in support groups or engaging in self-care activities. Promote relaxation and emotional well-being. I Mean dude, you guys Again, take care of your shit. By addressing your own needs, parents with PTSD can better manage your symptoms and provide a stable and nurturing environment For their children, for your children. So I mean, it's pretty straightforward you guys Take care of yourself, then you, you can take care of the family. That's that's kind of what we're talking about here. It's it's okay to not be okay all the time, but it's important that you check your shit before it bleeds all over your family and stuff like that. So that's what we're here for moving forward, open and honest communication is another vital aspect of parenting with PTSD.
Speaker 1:It is important for parents to explain their condition to their children in age appropriate manner, so that a child can better understand any changes in behavior or mood. And I mean it, you like I said, in a age-appropriate way. It's not saying you know, like tell them everything that you saw and tell them everything. It just means, more or less, to let them know Some days we're not going to be OK and some days we are, and we're really going to try, and these are the things that we're going to put into action as we move forward with our lives with this traumatic event weighing on our brain. I don't want to call it a disorder again, because it's not a disorder. It's not. Something happened that changed the direction of your life that you hadn't planned for, and you saw some things you weren't supposed to see, and you're stuck with it and you have to learn how to move forward. And some of us have it way worse than others, that's for sure, and I'm definitely on the lower end of the spectrum, I believe. But it's definitely something that sticks with me and it's something I work on every day. That short temper is something I probably had before I started my journey in the military, but it definitely became more reckless as I got through it. And you get that Superman syndrome. You get through two deployments and relatively safe, and nothing happened, and you just get like that I could fucking do anything, oh. And then you get out of the Army, man, and then that's when it all really starts. And then you have kids, and a lot of people don't put themselves first, and so that's what I'll say again is it's important to take care of yourself, to write the ship, and this is even if you don't have kids too. But I mean, this episode is basically aimed at parents myself being a parent, especially expecting another baby. It's just something I want to speak out loud because it's going to help me hold myself accountable for being better by communicating these shit in my brain to you guys. So, basically, so where was I? It's important for parents to explain their condition to their children in an age-appropriate manner. So blah, blah, blah. Encouraging children to ask questions and express their feelings can foster a sense of understanding and empathy within the family.
Speaker 1:Establishing routines and structure can greatly benefit families affected by PTSD. Children thrive with predictability and consistency, so creating a daily schedule can help them feel schedule and stable. That's definitely something I try to do is be as regimented as possible when I have the kid. It helps me, and that's not something I enforce or anything like that, it's just something that helps me. I know what I'm doing at this time because it's that time. It's bath time, it's dinner time, it's bedtime, it's whatever it is. That's what time it is. It's easy because you could set yourself into those patterns and it's a little easier to kind of flow through these things. So simple activities such as regular meal times, bed times, designated family time can provide a sense of normalcy and reduce anxiety for both the parent and child, like I was saying.
Speaker 1:Additionally, seeking external support can have a profound impact on parenting with PTSD. Connecting with other parents who share similar experiences can offer valuable insights, advice and reassurance. Local support groups or online forums can serve as safe places. You can always come here and chat with us. We like to consider ourselves or I like to consider this a safe space. Obviously because I come on here and say I'm pretty wide open with you guys and I really appreciate that you guys listen, so I'll stop interrupting myself. So, yeah, local support groups, online forums, can serve as safe places to discuss concerns, share coping strategies and gain a sense of community. So that's basically what we're all about here and that's what I want you to take away from this episode is it's OK, you're not alone, and we could talk about it on our Facebook chat. You can message me whatever. Again, I'm not a mental health expert. I'm just an expert at being mentally unhealthy. Fuck, that's not a good one, but it is so.
Speaker 1:When parents with PTS experience triggers or flashbacks, it is important to have coping mechanisms in place. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, mindfulness practices, can help manage anxiety and maintain a sense of control. Engaging in these strategies while parenting can model healthy coping skills for children, allowing them to learn how to manage their own emotions. That's important because they're watching man, every bit. They're watching and I notice that the more I work on my stuff, the more my son is, you know, and he's obviously he's only two, so I mean this is the time to work on it really, but he's gets better every day whenever I'm not in my shitty moods. And then you know, obviously you rub it off on your family and it just turns into a big thing. You know what's your round and shit like that, and you just you got to take care of yourself. I know it's a beating a dead horse with that one, but it's it's, it's huge. So, yeah, you definitely want to teach your kids how to deal with their own emotions.
Speaker 1:Lastly, it's crucial to remember that perfection is not the goal in parenting, not even with PTS. In general, perfection is not the goal. You're not gonna be a perfect parent. There's no fucking book for it. You just you need to be kind. Forgiving to oneself is essential. You need to fucking foster a positive and enriching environment for both the parent and the child.
Speaker 1:Parenting with PTS presents its own set of challenges, but it's entirely possible to be a successful and loving parent while managing this condition prioritizing self-care, practicing open communication, revealing and establishing routines, seeking support from others. That's a huge one. You guys, don't be scared to fucking get help. Developing coping mechanisms. Do that fucking breathing shit, dude. You know, whatever they do when they're having babies. You know, I don't know I'm being dumb, but you know what I mean. Dude, just breathe that shit out, look around the room, find five things that are blue, five, five things that you like, five things for you. I don't know we're gonna work All right, but it's entirely possible to be a successful, loving parent while managing this condition. I said that already.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with dedication and resilience, parents can overcome obstacles posed by this condition and create a nurturing and supportive environment for their children. So yeah, you guys I Know I kind of threw a lot at you and a little bit of time there. There is some very stable points. I know I've thrown at you a couple times. There is definitely take care of yourself. It's okay to not be okay. We are here for you. You're not alone.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I know I did talk about explaining PTSD to your children in a way that can be under side. It's hard to, and I haven't had to yet and hopefully I won't, but I'm never gonna be perfect. So I'm sure some days, you know, I'm gonna have to at least explain what it is, because no, you know, nobody's perfect and I want my kids to understand that and not to expect perfection out of everybody like I do, because I Don't know why I'm so super. I set myself super high on a standard and then when people don't Follow that standard, it really bums me out. And Vice versa, when I don't feel like I'm fucking going up that standard, man, it really bums me out. But Doing this really helps me kind of stay grounded and Stay accountable for my own shit. So again, we'll go into a little bit of Hmm, I don't know if I want to do it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude, let's talk a little bit about explaining PTSD to your children. It is important to have an open, honest communication with them. Here's some steps consider when explaining PTSD to your children PTSD. Choose an appropriate time and place. Find a comfortable and quiet setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation with your children. Make sure they're relaxed and we'll let receptive to listening. That's huge. You could do this by just you know, asking your kids. I don't know this, this is, this is. I'm again, I'm guessing and I'm just picking up on stuff that I've read or heard. But if you go to your children and you just say, hey, can we, can we talk a little bit, as opposed to just like come here, let's chat and you know that kind of shit. But you know, let them know that you Just want to talk and then you want to let them know what's going on.
Speaker 1:So use the age appropriate language. Tailor your explanation to the developmental level of your children. Use simple and clear language that they can understand. Avoid using terms and concepts that may overwhelm or confuse them. So, again, age appropriate. Provide a basic definition. Start by planning.
Speaker 1:Start by explaining that PTSD is a condition that can happen to people who have experienced, witnessed, experienced or witnessed a very frightening or traumatic event. Emphasize that it is not their fault and that it is a reaction to something that has happened in the past. Again, it's it's not who you are, it's something that happened to you. So you can, like I don't want to talk too big because, again, like you guys, there's a, there's people out there that have seen way worse and done, dealt with way worse than I have, but, like, I believe you can push through it With the right you mindset. It's hard, it's not easy. You have to really dig in, but you should try so.
Speaker 1:Explain your symptoms. Give a brief overview of the symptoms you experience, such as having bad dreams, feeling anxious or jumpy, having difficulty with certain situations or reminders. Use examples they can relate to, but be mindful not to share graphic or distressing details that may upset them further. You definitely don't want to do that. Reassure them of their safety. That should have been the first one, for real. But assure your children that they are safe and that your PTS does not change your love for them. Explain that you are working on managing your symptoms and seeking help to feel better. Reiterate that PTS does not make you a bad parent and that you are committed to taking care of them. Encourage questions and provide reassurance. Give your children the opportunity to ask questions or express their feelings about your PTS. Encourage them to share any concerns or words they may have and respond with patience and openness. I'm going to repeat that. Encourage them to share any concerns or worries they may have and respond with patience and openness. Respond with patience and openness.
Speaker 1:It's going to be hard to do and I imagine I already just imagine in my head I'm going to fucking fail that shit. But you have to, man, you fucking have to. And this is just with anything man, you've got to be open because you're not firing and all so, and there's all the time anymore. It's the unfortunate truth of the physical descriptions, of what they told me at once. I think it was the guy who was just like, just imagine, like PTSD is just squeezing that part of your brain. I think it's like the amygdala. I'm not a brain surgeon or I don't know, but it's squeezing that part of your brain and it's normally like the like the aggressive part of your brain. This is like normally it takes a little bit more to squeeze it. I know it looks like I'm squeezing it, but it takes a little bit more to get it there and then. But for us it's already kind of like tensed up and ready to fight. So you have to work on it. The breathing exercises, all that shit. You got to be open when having these conversations.
Speaker 1:Use age appropriate resources. Bring your children's age. You can consider using books, videos or online resources specifically created to help children understand PTSD. These resources can provide additional support to help reinforce the information to share with them. Remember, each child is unique and may react differently to the information provided, be prepared to offer ongoing support and be patient as they process, process the information over time.
Speaker 1:I think there was a couple of resources that I looked at. It was PTSD ads was one of them. I think it was like a comic book series that I want to check out. And then there was, like another guy I remember, a veteran a while back. I'll look it up here in a little bit, but there was a why is daddy always mad? Or something like that. Yeah, I'll look it up later. I'll put it in the show links. But yeah, there's definitely there's ways out there to explain this shit to your kids. Why is dad so mad all the time? Well, because he's a fucking asshole. Just kidding, mine's not. So, yeah, man, that's basically it. I guess I mean another. If you want to go into a little more, I do, I do. Actually, I don't know what I'm talking to. You want to go into a little more because you tuned in and I told you I'd give you 30 or so. So let's get into it a little more deeply.
Speaker 1:Supporting each other as a family is crucial, especially when dealing with challenges of PTSD, not just with your kids, right, but with your spouse, with your significant other, your lover, whatever it is Again, I don't discriminate. Yeah, so your significant other, be open and honest. Encourage open and honest communication among family members. Create an environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns and feelings. Regular check in with each other. See how everyone's doing and see if there's any specific needs or issues. It needs attention. I know it sounds like a lot, you guys, but if we're talking about the ones you truly fucking love, there's no, there's not Too much you can do to take care of each other. All right, like you are willing to put your fucking life on the line for people that you just met, take that same energy into your family. That's it. You take that same fucking energy into your family.
Speaker 1:Education, understanding, learn more about PTSD together as a family. This can help family members understand the condition and its impact on your life. Knowledge can dispel misconceptions, reduce stigma and promote empathy and support. Consider sharing age appropriate information resources or books about PTSD to help family members gain a better understanding. Stable routines so I'm gonna get basically all the same shit.
Speaker 1:Active listening, that's another one. Active listening for those you don't know it's I mean. So active listening would. It does sometimes kind of sound like people are like one-upping you but one, when in all reality, what they do is they're trying to relate to you especially impets like myself trying to relate and what I do is I, it's active listening. So you're, you're listening, obviously, but the way that you show that you're listening is by comparing. Not all people take well to that one, so be careful with that one, because it does kind of it can come off as One-upity if you're not careful. You have to just let people know that you know this is how I show you that I'm paying attention. Practice so empathy again, that's funny, I said that. Well, not funny, but you're funny. Practice active listening.
Speaker 1:When your family members share their feelings or concern, show empathy by acknowledging their emotions and validating, validating their experiences. Let them know that you understand and care about how they are feeling. Being there for each other can emotionally Correction. Being there for each other emotionally can strengthen bonds and create a supportive family environment. Encourage self-care again, encourage self-care. Well, let you let that marinate for a second self-care. Emphasize the importance of self-care for each family member, including yourself. Encourage activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction and overall well-being.
Speaker 1:So Exercise is fucking disc golf. You guys, try some disc golf. The disc golf initiative will be coming soon. Basically, what that's gonna be do is it's gonna be try to be this kind of outside support slash Get you off your ass hobby. It gets big enough I'll fly wherever and do it an event. Basically, just I'm gonna start going to the VA and pulling vets out of their ass. And I'm not pulling vets off their ass and talking about like let's go fuck, throw some frisbees. I got plenty of plastic. Disc golf, I mean exercise.
Speaker 1:They say you exercise for 30 minutes a day and you're adding up like 24 hours worth of good vibes, right? So you put 30 minutes in, you get 24 hours worth of good vibes If you do those exercise. Do another 30 minutes every day Inside of that 24 hours and you're stacking up good vibes, man. So that's that's the plan, right? You get better, you do better. Obviously there's some of us that have some Physical ailments. Me personally I don't know if you see me messing with my hands a lot. If you're watching or you're listening, I'm fucking with my hands a lot of my arthritis is absolutely fucking killing me as the winner sets in up here already in North Dakota. But yeah, got off track.
Speaker 1:Quality time quality time is very important to us as a family in the Turner household. We don't get it much of what we do. We really cherish it. Set aside dedicated quality time to spend with each other as a family, engage in activities that promote connection and bonding Game nights, family outing, shared hobbies, enjoy moments of laughter, love and joy. That can build resilience and strengthen the family relationships. Sorry, I don't even know why I keep looking over here. There's nobody over here, it's just my skull guy, skull Fred, skull Fred, head, alright, whatever. Yeah, guys, so that's pretty much it. You know it's possible to make a good Family environment even though you're bucked up sometimes. You know what I mean. So, that being said, that will be it for today. Thank you, guys. So much for tuning in listening.
Speaker 1:This has been a pretty good chat. I'm really, really, really hoping for those who listen or watch at the end of this month or, I'm sorry, at the End of October. So somewhere around Halloween I'm gonna do another live episode, and what I'm gonna plan to do every live episode is I want to talk about the past Months worth of episodes. So if you feel like you want to contribute to conversations about these episodes. Feel free to chat about them in the in the comment section once I post them. But, more importantly, you guys, I do still like, want to, and I do still want to invite you all to come and sit down and have your conversations.
Speaker 1:Our next episode will be with a former guest, david Snowes, who'll be chatting with me later on. We're gonna catch up with him. We're gonna talk a little bit about setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and you know, whether that be with work, your family, whatever, it's definitely something in the self-care realm. So yeah, man, we got some cool shit coming up for you guys. Not gonna border you with those details in here, but again, thank you guys, so much for listening. You will never fucking know how much it means to me that even one of you Listen every week. So again, thank you from the bottom of my fucking heart. You guys, you're all part of my circle. Now, if there's anything I could do for you, you fucking let me know. Alright, I love you guys. God bless, have a good day.
