Veteran Chat Project
Veteran Chat Project
Juggling the Highs and Lows of Mental Wellbeing and Ambition
Have you ever felt the walls of life closing in, only to find solace in the open space of a garage? That's where I'm at – physically and metaphorically – as I share the reinvention of our show, now a solo venture resonating with the rhythm of my personal journey. We're peeling back the layers on mental health, embracing the rollercoaster of parenting a second child, and exploring the impact of a simple vitamin D deficiency. It's about being present and finding balance, while acknowledging the support from my incredible wife and the power of self-compassion.
As we venture further, you'll join me in the raw and crucial exploration of mental health, the collective strength found in shared experiences, and the importance of support networks. There's a certain kinship in knowing someone else is trudging through similar trenches, and this episode is an open invitation to that camaraderie. I'll be discussing the evolution of passions and how the responsibility of parenthood intertwines with our personal aspirations, all while wrestling with the necessity to put aside life's distractions and fully engage with our little ones.
Rounding out our conversation, we turn to the intersection where fervor meets reflection, where the challenges of the job market ignite the spark for a venture that could enrich the lives of fellow veterans. Listen as I contemplate the path to a potential catering business, transforming this podcast into a dynamic YouTube show, and how spirituality guides these decisions beyond the scope of family. It's about breaking free from damaging cycles, facing the responsibilities that shape our journey, and inviting you to reflect on your own narrative that might echo these themes. Join us for an episode that promises to connect, inspire, and perhaps provide a guiding light through life's intricate maze.
What is going on? Everybody. You've everybody a second to get in. If you're going to get in and maybe start to sing about two minutes this is a new look. Just got tired of being in the basement all night. Maybe try to call here in the garage and it can be a little louder, maybe not. Maybe I can just feel not so boxed in and maybe the brain won't feel so boxed in. I flow a little more freely on my own and give you guys a show that I think you deserve. So that's the plan going forward.
Speaker 1:I know I'm going to keep letting more people get in, but pretty excited to be here. I got some things I want to talk about. I just had a conversation with the future guest, slash prior guest that I'm actually really excited to share. First thing, I want to get it. I've got three of you guys watching so far. My man no, it's just my iPad. I'm just using my iPad in the garage and it's actually just used the center stage so I could be like over here, you're going to watch me. Man, stick with me. Motherfucker, I'm over here now, but I'll try not to do that shit because it's Friday night, you guys drinking, smoking, whatever. I'll turn it off and get to knowing. But yeah, dude, all there, man, thank you so much. I know you are, like I could say, like one of the four of the major, probably listeners of the show. I'm glad to be back and I'm hoping to get you back on Definitely.
Speaker 1:I want to chat, if you want to get on, after I do my little spiel here. I don't know if you can see it, but I did put the link for that in the comment section. As always, man, david, brother, I appreciate it. Definitely. What I was talking to just before we started and got a pretty cool story to share about that. Yeah, man, there's, I guess, one thing you'll notice. I guess go ahead and address the elephant in the room. I am officially in forever.
Speaker 1:This is a solo show. I'm going to take the reins and just run with it. It's going to be the same concept. We're really going to drive in some mental health things. As the winner really set in and I went for my yearly VA checkup, they told me that for the first time ever, I have vitamin D deficiency, which, if you guys know me, I mean I get outside, I like to be active, I like to play my disc golf and stuff like that, but it's just so windy sometimes here. The weather really hasn't been so cold here this winter, but it's just been hard to get out.
Speaker 1:For those of you that know me personally, it's been a lot harder to get out these last two months because, if you have been following the show since I don't know, we're close to the start of a year ago, but right around the time we posted it, I think I said me and my wife were expecting our second child. Our second child was born a couple weeks early, december 6th. So it's been some adjusting. It's been great. I have been blessed with the most wonderful wife that I could possibly ever ask for, and for that I'll always be so thankful, and it's not just a thing, I truly mean it. She's probably sleeping right now because she doesn't get much time to do that, but I love you and I'm truly thankful to have you in my life and these kids.
Speaker 1:It's been a while since I've been on here starting. It's going to be probably an emotional one for me, so strap in. That's how we posted a show October 17th 2023. That is crazy. That is just about four months. It'll be four months tomorrow, and so I know, just like you guys, a lot has been going on in my world. I'll share with you that.
Speaker 1:Now just say again, to drive home the point of the show is you are not alone. We're all going through it. We're all fighting the fight. We're all. You know. We all have our days. We all have to continue to remind ourselves how important it is to be in the moment and be thankful for everything that you have Something I can't remember where I got it recently.
Speaker 1:I heard it and it's just like been ringing in my brain ever since man is you deserve the life you earned. You know you worked, you worked hard. Man, you've been through some shitty days, you've been through some rough batches in your life and you deserve it. So go out and go out and be happy. Go out and be great. You know that's just what it's all about. I don't know? A little more emotional, I guess. Well, short, quick shout out to my mom Happy birthday today. That's not why I'm emotional, I don't know. I don't know why I'm emotional. It's just because I'm an emotional guy, so I wear it proudly. That's just who I am.
Speaker 1:I want to ask you guys a question before I tell you a story, and that question is do you suffer from negative self-talk? You know? Do you beat yourself up? Are you that drill sergeant to yourself? Do you still hear that in your head every time you do something? We're gonna chat about that a little later. I wanna share a story with you guys.
Speaker 1:New Year's Day, new Year's Eve or I think it was New Year's Eve, you know in the evening time just laying down with the family, you know, we've been sharing. All six of us, including my two dogs, have been sharing a bed lately and it's been great. But anyways, new Year's Day get a message from Ben, one of our former guests. I had it written down when he was on, but I wanna say, without sitting here, getting too carried off into the phone, see if it pulls up. He was on. It was a while back, obviously, because we have not done this in a bit, but Ben is the founder of Foundation's Baseball. He teaches kids, coaches kids, baseball up in the Seattle area. He was on.
Speaker 1:I don't know it was a while back, but him he ran into another former guest, future guest who I've been speaking to David. His Facebook Stephen says Snow is Ben said it was another. I feel bad, I don't. I looked for you on Facebook too. You're gonna have to send me a Facebook for request, bro, because you, just like you, completely fucking pumped me up with this message I'm about to read. I know I don't think so.
Speaker 1:They got together. You know, they lived close to each other and they bumped into each other a few times. He messaged me, benjamin messaged me that he had, you know, ran into David at his little watering hole and you know, it's just I don't know man, it's just something about that was like. You know, I didn't know these guys before I started the show or before we started the show. I don't mean to say I in a way like perfect, my man. I don't mean to say I like like my man, kz didn't exist to do it. Then help me build this foundation to this thing. Man, like brother, if you ever hear this thing, whatever went down between us, man, I fucking I would love to have you even just get on this thing and let's just fucking go again. Man, we had some good chemistry, we had fucking, we had it going. I probably fucked it up. What I mean I do that you know, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:Anyways, so they get together and I, I finally just got around to asking them because I mean, I'm ADHD as fuck so sometimes I get around and I'll forget. But I finally asked today. You know like how did you guys bump into each other? You just told me like they kind of run into each other every once in a while and then, you know, david actually messaged me. I think it was like two weeks ago when I posted something about it. Let me do one thing. First, I posted something from the veteran chat project page like randomly out of nowhere, and he's like when are you going to start this thing back up? Hopefully it's not never. And that was pretty inspiring. So I've definitely been thinking about that for the last week.
Speaker 1:I think we talked about two in some of the last readings just how things just happen when you answer the call. Things happen when you're doing something that your gut is just like hey, man, you should be doing this, you should pick up the mic and sit down and fucking hang out and talk to your phone for a little bit, talk to your iPad and the five or six people that want to tune in. But anyways, so I told them. A big reason I started wanting to get back up is everyone gets lonely. That's what we were talking about. I had to take care of some personal business, obviously, with the family. I was working and everything, so it's hard to get back going, but going again and we had that momentum. Hopefully it grabs hold again.
Speaker 1:You have made a difference already and, like I said when I was on, if I reach one fucking person it's all worth it. That's what I said when we started this thing. I'll spill my fucking soul if it helps this one person. I've never been the person to sit here and cry on, live fucking. Whatever I'm doing it not crying, but see that shit, it's tearing up, not anymore. It was, don't judge. Being in therapy and being on your podcast inspired me to be more open about my own struggles. About five or six of his friends have come up to a mass to put them on that path. That again. So you're changing lives, doing for the better. We're doing this good work and I'm glad to see you back at it. Dude, you have no idea how much I meant Just from someone who wasn't even a part of my life or someone I didn't know before. Something For this whole better than project got started and yeah, man, it's truly the reason why I'm going to keep going. So thank you for that. I really hope to God that people hear that and just share the shit away. I might not be the best host, I might be boring, I might ramble, I might lose people as a rambling, but you know what? I just want to try to be better, and the way I was doing that was doing this show every once in a while and being able to hold myself accountable to people that may be trying to do the same, trying to want to do better, or again, we've all been through it, we're all going through it, we're all here to help. So, yeah, four months.
Speaker 1:Our last show was Mike Rock, the man, the myth, the motherfucking toss. Superman himself, the guy who tracks down the people that are trying to get after your kids in the worst possible way and he puts them away or helps them put it get put away. And mainly, though, what he does outside of superhero, his passion is making movies. Last time we had him on, we talked about his one of his movies, tahoe Joe, which is on to be if you want to check it out, because the sequel is coming out and you may catch a 10 to 12 second glance of your boy doing a little shout out yeah, so I'm a movie star now. No big deal. No big deal, just this, the fucking you know. Hollywood, north Dakota star no big deal, but no, that should be coming out soon. Big shout out to Mike, my brother. That dude is again Alder. Put us on, put us together with him. And that dude is an amazing human being and I'm blessed to even be able to share an episode and say that he was part of one. You know just the things that he does and the things that he stands for is everything we want in this show.
Speaker 1:And then the people that listen to this show represent this show, support this show. You know something I picked on a little bit when I did the short stint as the ground breakers union and you know, and in the military, we don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what your religion is, race creed, color no, that's it. Like I'm not one of these people. I don't see color. No, I see it, I see you. I understand. I understand people's struggles, like we all have struggles, we're all here. Pain is glue to me. Pain is an adhesive.
Speaker 1:You, the broken, attract the broken, because the people that people that aren't broken or have never admitted to being a little bit wrong or toxic or broken or, you know, fucked up. It's. It's hard for them to kind of get on the same page with you or agree, or at least openly, and then, truth be told, it's really hard to have conversations about your mental health, especially because it it's perceived as weakness. But I'm telling you guys, it's it's really not, because once you start having these conversations with yourself and Really kind of start talking back to those Automatic negative thoughts with that self-talk we were talking about earlier. I don't want to get back into a little bit. I know I'm not the only one that that just literally has to like talk back to the negative voice in my head. Sometimes I do it out loud and people are like this motherfucker is crazy. But you know, yeah, they caught me. So, yeah, man, so that's, that's what's been going on.
Speaker 1:Family friends Well, how many friends this? So, yeah, man, back to our self-talk. You know, another thing I did since we got our kids back in day, we got my first born back daycare, so I was up to start working. So that's kind of another reason for the missed Missed calls, I guess you could say, or the missed opportunities to Not sleep or just scroll on my phone with boredom or any of that shit, but just to come out and go downstairs or go wherever, get in front of a camera and just fucking talk. Man, just literally sit and talk. I've been way too long and I feel good. It feels good to be here.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, man, that's self-doubt, it's, it is and that's how it is. Dude, that's, that's your fucking head telling you some shit that Somebody else told you along the way. It's, it's not true, man like it's, it's really not true. You can actually fucking be Happy if you try to. You have to really try. You have to fucking work through all your bullshit. You have to find somebody that's willing to help you work through your bullshit, whether that be a therapist, whether that be a spouse, a friend podcast host, fucking podcast listener, a fellow friend, a fellow veteran, someone who's into the same shit, you're, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Man like I Think I seen on a Theo Vaughn that thing as I was scrolling through. I shared one of them the other day on the veteran chat project page, but I think he was sitting in that. It was just like a thing saying you know, he was interviewing Sean Strickland and he started crying about, you know, and he's like, hey, bro, like you know, we don't have to talk, like we can just sit here and Like, dude, like that's one of those ones it's like, okay, I'm gonna put the phone down now, because you know that that was like the message I needed to hear while I was, you know, scrolling or whatever. I'm weird like that. But so, yeah, man, like just to be present with somebody and their time of need to be able to Just like they got, like Dave said, man, like you, fucking, if you really try, you can, you can put it, then you can, you can really help some people.
Speaker 1:And I wish, and it's, you know, it's that survivor's guilt and that self talk, self-taught, self-doubt talk again. But you know, it's like I wish I had this set of balls to do this kind of thing way sooner. But you know that's that kind of thinking. You know we got. We got to get away from you know, all we could do is be grateful for the fact that we're here and do it right now. And I'm not saying we Isn't all of us in my head, I'm saying that like we, the royal, we, you know, thus the tribe. I miss saying that dude tribe shit. So yeah, dude started working some little bar job, some little bar job won't say the name. They're a great place. She's great owner. I Just didn't.
Speaker 1:I don't know, man, I think the passion is gone from cooking for me. I don't really know necessarily what I want to be when I grow up anymore. Maybe it's a podcast host, you know so. Maybe it's a, I don't know. I know the only thing I really want to be when I grow up is a father and a present parent in my kids life, a positive, positive you presence in my kid's life. That's the biggest thing and I need to keep telling myself don't just be present in my kid's life. Put the fucking phone down. Your kid might mean my kid, my two-year-old. He's almost three man, he's coming out. Hey, dad, let's play. And you know I'm like, okay, hell, yeah, let's do it. You know, and I can't wait for that to just keep going forever. I know they say you know you got to take that shit as it comes. And I don't. I don't want my kids to ever come to me and think that they can't talk to me. And you know, I think that's huge.
Speaker 1:I think I do put off kind of a vibe. If you don't you know, if you know me personally or if you've seen me around where I live, you probably don't think that I'm much of a chatty person. I do have kind of a, you know, resting bitch face, as they call it a lot of us veterans kind of do, and it's not really anything more than I just space out a lot, I think about a lot. I get myself into these bad moods where I could talk myself out. I could talk myself out of the best mood just by being like, well, there's that, let some of that negative self-talk just creep in and start bleeding all over your fucking soul, dude. And that's what it does, it really does. Yeah, I can't tell you, right, bro, it's that goes so quick. It's crazy.
Speaker 1:Like you know, we went to, we went to lunch here in town, that uptown eatery. They hosted actually one of our first little events we went to. We went to lunch there and there's an older couple sitting next to us. We had our two month old with us and you know they get. They were chatty with us and you just, you know they give you the whole. You know it goes by so fast and don't take it for granted thing. You know, like and obviously like you hear that and you notice it and you don't really fully ever take note of it until you know your kids are three.
Speaker 1:And then now you're holding this baby and you're like, holy shit, like my little, my big dude used to be this little dude and now he's this like basically like little man. You like, you know he comes to me and he like tells me what he needs and he says please and thank you, and I get told that he's the politest little dude I think here and he's, you know, potty trained and I'm just like man, like I was too busy being so proud of all these things that I didn't really like stop to think like these are these moments that I'm gonna forget. My wife has been really good at trying to like we try to write things down. We have little notebooks that we're trying to write things down in. We're pretty bad at remembering to write the things down, but we talk a lot about like you know, like the little things that they say. Like my oldest is like really in a spider-man right now. So he just like comes around the corner like spy man and he just starts fucking like, webbing me up. You then like act like I'm all fucked, shit, just fall the ground. You know he starts dying, laughing. Bro, it's, it's.
Speaker 1:There's nothing that could have prepared me for how proud being a dad can make you feel. I shot top tank for army as a specialist, got called up, granted the tank commander. I had son Dawson who was like our second guest, was a fucking, was a boss, fucking tank commander. But I, you know it was one of the prouder moments in my life up until that point. I'm told you know recently where I'm like really starting to just be proud of watching my kid grow into the little man that he's becoming and the good big brother that he is. And you know all these things. You know, even as I'm saying it's like you know it's because you're your wife or doing the right things, and I think I don't know. Nobody knows truly, but if you think you are, then maybe you are.
Speaker 1:Try to limit the screen time and play with them. Just be present again, that present, you know, presence of presence. Be there, fucking be there, just be. There's the easiest thing you do. You got a friend in need. Man, you can call me, you know, and I could, like you said, we don't got to talk, man, sometimes you don't want to talk. Sometimes a I just need someone to fucking sit here with me or FaceTime with me, or you know.
Speaker 1:I mean, I felt it as much as anything and I didn't really know that's what I was feeling until I saw, of all people, fucking Theo Vaughn say it on his podcast, I think. I know I watch a lot of reels, but yeah, man, so I definitely got carried away on something I wasn't really planning on talking about. But that's kind of how this thing rolls. If you're new here, get used to that. If you're, if you've been here, you're, you're used to it. Paper hand puppets that's dope, yeah. So I got one buddy he just back to the kids being amazing, real quick. He was kids and the teenager and he does like those stop stop motion Lego videos and he showed me some when we were in Minneapolis and I'm like, dude, that's so fucking cool. You got to take like so many video or so many pictures to make a stop motion video that you know that's what you're doing for that whole day. So Passion, passion, the purpose, man, there's, there's something there.
Speaker 1:It's our job as parents to not push, but to water the seeds and let them grow as they should. Apparently, I don't know again, I don't know shit. I just talk. I write fucking five words down on the notebook and I sit down for 30 or so minutes and act like I know what I'm doing. So, yeah, back to the job.
Speaker 1:It didn't work out, that one. I did find it. The hours weren't free. I'm trying to do something during the day again so I can be present in my kids life. I Want to be home every night for dinner. I want to cook dinner for my kids, all that stuff. But there is a couple passion projects I'm gonna be working on coming up. Those will come out later date, but there's some big things on my brain.
Speaker 1:Lately I've been in the plotting and scheming phase of a lot of little projects there. They're getting there, you know, as they all do with 80D brains and having babies and shit. You know there's, there's, there's projects and ideas in here that aren't there, aren't total duds, you know, just like this thing, this thing makes me believe that some of the stuff that I think of is actually great and in any way, shape and form, I can make an Impact in the veteran community. That's what I'm gonna do. I know there's one thing I talked about last time is I fucking trailed off from the thing again. Hang on, let's go back to the job. It's a negative self-talk man. I just I get myself into these situations with jobs and I I just Don't know. I think it's bad. This is that passion.
Speaker 1:I lose the passion for the cooking and I don't know if it's the passion for cooking or if it's just a passion for cooking for other people. Because I know as a business owner of a very small landscaping business that it is Far more financially beneficial to you to own the business Then to be an employee, especially when you know it's hard. I've been In the industry. I'm not the top of the game by any means. I do have some skin in the game. However, it's hard to to take to know that you're getting paid the same as your 18 year old counterpart. You know, or you can like I'm working in this kitchen and I'm making all this food from scratch and the McDonald's that I drive past every day is hiring for the same price and like I in my head, I'm like I don't want to work with Donald's, but it's like I'm still making the same money as McDonald's. So what's the fucking point? You know, so like the kitchen has become a very, very hard job to work in for that aspect, especially on someone who is Trying to be more mental health focused.
Speaker 1:But my next job will be in a kitchen and the passion will Come back as I venture into owning my own little small piece of the food industry, whether that be like a small catering business or something like that. But I definitely want to do some private chef stuff. Maybe use some barbecue barbecue events for veterans here in Fargo and Minneapolis or whatever you know. Take a travel, take a trip, do some barbecues, get some things together and raise some money for some veteran organizations or stuff like that. So you know, the Lord give us, the Lord take the way, as they say, and Some. My next job that I have lined up will have me working quite a bit.
Speaker 1:At first, I do plan on doing these live shows by weekly. They be followed by the occasional interviews that I do offline. You have some good guests. There's gonna be a lot of guests that I really want to get live on here, but I can't, especially one, my boy McKenzie, who we have been trying so hard to get together. But since he's been out of the army he has been just, you know, doing the. Just got the army after 20 years saying and well, he's not doing a normal thing, he's actually doing some cool shit. He lives overseas now and is Doing some contracting work and I can't wait to talk to him, but again overseas. We're not gonna lock up some Sometimes schedule issues with that, but we'll definitely probably won't be able to get him on live because you know, I think he's like eight hours ahead, behind, ahead, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Anyways, disc Golf the disc golf thing is Something that I have been kind of kicking around lately to. It's gonna be, like I might call it better in disc project. It's gonna be linked together very closely with this podcast show. This I Don't really want to call it a podcast anymore because I want to To be like a YouTube show, like I'm not gonna Jack my boy Joe, but like I think YouTube's kind of the best platform for everything. I'm still. I'm still gonna post everything on Spotify, this and that, but it won't have video. I will want the video to be Seen, because a lot of what I do and say you know, like I want, I want my pretty ugly face. I want you guys to see the emotions that I go through being in this seat and I want you to eventually Come up, hit me up and we'll get you scheduled whenever, like you said, just yeah, man, I I literally decided About 20 minutes before I posted that I was gonna come back tonight and do this, that I was gonna come back tonight and do this, and that's kind of how I roll.
Speaker 1:I've been playing it in my head and one day the switch just hits and it's time to fucking do it, and God puts me in the right place at the right time. And it's crazy. I've said God a couple times now and I'm not super religious, but I do believe and Starting them, hopefully and think that I found a reason outside of my family to be Not alive but to live and not to be fucking stuck in the puddle, stuck in the mud, stuck in the bullshit that I can so easily get stuck in and that I know you guys can too. It's so fucking easy to just slip down, to just sit down and bury yourself in a bottle or Smoke yourself retarded, and I can say I smoke, but never tired. You know, that's true, it's very true. I want to see. I want to share that. I don't know how I can do it. I'm are there, you go. You don't have to be religious to believe in God, and I think that Needs to be More common of a thought. Oh, yes, I believe that too. Spiritual.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, man, yeah, just golf the veteran disc project. There'd be something I want to do. I don't want to just be, I don't want it to just be a local thing in North Dakota, although obviously, if you're gonna want to come, you know, play some of the events that I might set up or like. It might just be some small shit at first, obviously, as everything you got to give a time to grow. Yeah, you're gonna have to come up here. I'm sorry, we'll do it in the summertime, so it's not so bad. But the ultimate goal with that is to maybe I'll walk into the VA and Just start talking to some people. A year of play disc golf before it's nice, and Sony outlets.
Speaker 1:There's a. There's a course right here by our Fargo VA called trollwood, and so it's pretty decent course, nice little hike. It's on the Red River, so there's some elevation change, some elevation change, little trees, nothing crazy. So I mean, you get a walk, you get some exercise, you get to hang out with some like-minded individuals. I'll be sure to make it exclusively like a. It's not like a booze fast. This isn't a party like.
Speaker 1:We're here to to grow and become better people by I say like by this golf, but like do but like by this golf man. It's something that really helped me in a time to get off my ass and it's something I still do as much as I possibly can. Like I got my basket sitting right next to me for when I randomly decided to start putting in the in the winter time. But so, yeah, it start going around, gives people together, doing some small events, start a tags thing and and just kind of getting people Into the sport. And not necessarily for the reason the growing sport, because I think the sports growing enough as it is it's doing really good but just to kind of get people off the fucking couch. Man. Like there is so much Better shit outside then there. Ever Then there is inside.
Speaker 1:I mean I fucking love playing video games as much as the next guy. I bought a ps5 and I got regretted because I got played it for like two months straight or a month straight. Now I'm like I don't even want to play that fucking thing no more because it's like, you know, as I'm almost 40. I feel like it's a waste of time, you know, and I got feel like I was wasting time not doing this shit and then I would start fucking the cycle again and then it was the whole deal. So PS5 for sale? No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:And so If you guys are interested in this golf or if there's Any quit you want to play and you've never heard about it, I can. I can look up the app. I could find you. Give me your address, I'll find you. Of course, I'll give you directions to it and I will mail you some discs. I got a fuckload. Maybe down the road I can talk to some manufacturers and get some better in chat project stamp discs going. Get you guys out there, man, and try to get things, try to get some wholesale disc prices so I could fucking just give them out or send them out for giveaways or chats or whatever.
Speaker 1:You know like I'm not really into the private product. I'm gonna do any shirts or hats anytime soon. I Didn't make my hoodies. You know people aren't into buying shit these days as much. I Just fine, but I want this to be more of a. I mean, I guess if I could turn it into a non-profit I would, and maybe down the road, if it gets big enough, I will. But it will be something that I am going to start pushing. And my spare time what little bit of it I have I just if you got something to do tomorrow, you're always gonna fucking wake up to do it, and that's what I believe. So I, without fucking Boring you guys too much more, I yeah, that's really all I got for you tonight. Well, it's not. You know, I fucking want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for still being here when I decided to get back on and do it, not just being here as a listener, but being here, being here as a human being, for still existing. I thank you for that and I think you should thank yourself.
Speaker 1:It's like Alder said. You know we all get stuck in these cycles. I get stuck in those cycles. It's hard, it's hard to get out of them when you start feeling guilty for being in them and when you can actually see the damage that it does to the people around you. And you know, you just hope to God that you can repair some of the damage that's been done and some of the times that you weren't in control of your emotions. But time will tell those. Time will heal those wounds. If they won't, they won't.
Speaker 1:Whatever, you know, I got shit to do. I'm not going to there's. There's nothing back there for me except for lots of oopsies and what ifs. So, yeah, it is especially. As you know, you get older. Like you said, starters get older and you know, especially ours. I never I was, they never planned to have kids, but I never thought that I would be. Like you know, mr Dad for sure Definitely makes you think about life a lot differently, take a lot less risks and start thinking about some of the shit you did when you were younger. I don't know how people, if you had kids while being in the military, I don't know. My, my hat's off to you. That would definitely be something I would love to chat about. I'm sure there's a lot of people that would love to see those stories or hear that kind of shit and know that you're not the only one that
